Fear

I wonder sometimes looking back if I really knew at such a young age what being"owned" meant. I'm quite sure that I probably didn't. What I did know was that my mind and body lived in a constant state of fear, and I always had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know the feeling when you get caught doing something that you shouldn't be? That was me, everyday. The problem with this was that I never ever knew what I would get in trouble for. For instance, I threw an eaten corn cob into the garbage can without a bag, and I got beat pretty bad with my dad's tennis shoe. To this day, 35 years later, I have an issue with bag less garbage cans. Fear can manifest itself in so many ways, that you will eventually forget that you were afraid in the first place. You wake up one day angry at the world and all the fear has been displaced by food, liquor, sex and whatever else you can grab hold of. Anything to keep you feeling the "disconnection" to your true self will satisfy your anger.