The Board

The worst part of "the board" was having to go and retrieve it from my closet when my dad told me to go get it. I can equate it to the "dead man walking" scene. That's how I felt at the time. I would slowly make my way up the fourteen steps to my bedroom on the second floor, turn right into the first room and sit on my bed for a moment. This is when I would ponder for a minute running away, and most times, killing myself. I knew how much it would hurt the minute the cold wood made contact with my ass. My eyes would gaze over to my window, complete with the TOT Finder sticker in case of fire. This was so the firemen could find me in the event this occurred. I tried many times to peel that thing off the damn window, to no avail. I don't know what they make those with, but that shit to this day is probably still stuck half-assed to that window. However, I saw myself many times just leaping out and plunging to the earth. In my young mind, I would fall to my death and oh how my dad would regret what he had done. Looking back, or as I got older, I realized that it was only two stories so I would have just broken my face or something, and been screamed at for being an idiot and letting the neighbors in on the "little secret" of our family.
So inevitably, I would get the fucking board and take it back downstairs and hand it to my dad. As he took it from me, I swear I could see a glint of joy in his eye, a smile evolving on his face, like a kid on Christmas Eve.